Writing: Spider on the Web

I've revised the 'Murder of Crows' story thanks to comments from first readers: BS from rasfc, pariyal , brownnicky (spot on as ever with the focus comments) and ferlonda  (thanks for the bird-flight stuff ). A couple of my first readers thought that this was suitable to extend into a novel and I'm inclined to agree with them. The world is interesting - and combines SF (space-fiction with aliens) with magic, which is a challenging combination.

I've done a bit more work on 'Spider on the Web,' my potential next novel project, but I haven't quite got the bit between my teeth yet and I keep bumping up against the problem of magic.

So far I have the first two chapters and part of a third (about 8k words altogether), plus a fourth that needs some revision because I've already made an emphasis shift since I wrote it. I've got three main viewpoint characters, Hari, Lind and Miro, and I'm intending that the VP be kept tightly focused (tight third) on each one in turn, giving them (probably) a short (2 - 3,000 word) chapter at a time. Only one of them - Miro, the third we meet chronologically and even then not until the fourth chapter - has any kind of magic. The other two don't have much patience for it so it barely impinges on their consciousness.

I'm chasing myself round in circles at the moment. It's my natural inclination to show that magic exists (rather than mentioning it in passing) in this world earlier rather than later - certainly before the fourth chapter - but in order to do that I have to artificially insert some show-not-tell magic into either Hari or Lind's first chapter which is essentially two sides of a successful assasination of Hari's king by Lind and the aftermath of same for each man. Magic just doesn't fit there.

The earliest I would be comfortable bringing it in would be Chapter Three, Hari's second chapter, by which time he's on the run from the new king and for the first time realising that good as he was as an army officer, he's become institutionalised and isn't used to being on his own. So even if I bring in 'country magic' as a concept at this stage it won't appear until about the 9,000 word mark. It will be closer to the 11,000 word mark if I wait until Miro's chapter.

I'm really going to have to think hard about this. I think I may have to put the actual writing aside for a bit and go chew the plot over in a little more detail. the focus comments from brownnicky  that worked for 'Murder of Crows' probably apply here too. I feel as though the focus is still a little off-centre.

I'm probably going to submit this to Milford, so if all else fails I'm going to be able to chew this problem over with writers there. You're welcome to comment, but I'm just talking it through in my own head at the moment rather than begging for help.

Dammit, I've got a couple of other novel ideas in the queue as well. I've passed over Hari once in favour of writing the magic-pirate-adventure-quest novel, 'Sea Witch and Rowankind', and if I can't pin down what's bugging me about this and fix it, I can see I might easily be tempted to jump to one of the other ideas instead.

Right. Decision. It's 2.15 a.m. so I'm going to go and sleep on it.

Writing: Spider on the Web

I've revised the 'Murder of Crows' story thanks to comments from first readers: BS from rasfc, pariyal , brownnicky (spot on as ever with the focus comments) and ferlonda  (thanks for the bird-flight stuff ). A couple of my first readers thought that this was suitable to extend into a novel and I'm inclined to agree with them. The world is interesting - and combines SF (space-fiction with aliens) with magic, which is a challenging combination.

I've done a bit more work on 'Spider on the Web,' my potential next novel project, but I haven't quite got the bit between my teeth yet and I keep bumping up against the problem of magic.

So far I have the first two chapters and part of a third (about 8k words altogether), plus a fourth that needs some revision because I've already made an emphasis shift since I wrote it. I've got three main viewpoint characters, Hari, Lind and Miro, and I'm intending that the VP be kept tightly focused (tight third) on each one in turn, giving them (probably) a short (2 - 3,000 word) chapter at a time. Only one of them - Miro, the third we meet chronologically and even then not until the fourth chapter - has any kind of magic. The other two don't have much patience for it so it barely impinges on their consciousness.

I'm chasing myself round in circles at the moment. It's my natural inclination to show that magic exists (rather than mentioning it in passing) in this world earlier rather than later - certainly before the fourth chapter - but in order to do that I have to artificially insert some show-not-tell magic into either Hari or Lind's first chapter which is essentially two sides of a successful assasination of Hari's king by Lind and the aftermath of same for each man. Magic just doesn't fit there.

The earliest I would be comfortable bringing it in would be Chapter Three, Hari's second chapter, by which time he's on the run from the new king and for the first time realising that good as he was as an army officer, he's become institutionalised and isn't used to being on his own. So even if I bring in 'country magic' as a concept at this stage it won't appear until about the 9,000 word mark. It will be closer to the 11,000 word mark if I wait until Miro's chapter.

I'm really going to have to think hard about this. I think I may have to put the actual writing aside for a bit and go chew the plot over in a little more detail. the focus comments from brownnicky  that worked for 'Murder of Crows' probably apply here too. I feel as though the focus is still a little off-centre.

I'm probably going to submit this to Milford, so if all else fails I'm going to be able to chew this problem over with writers there. You're welcome to comment, but I'm just talking it through in my own head at the moment rather than begging for help.

Dammit, I've got a couple of other novel ideas in the queue as well. I've passed over Hari once in favour of writing the magic-pirate-adventure-quest novel, 'Sea Witch and Rowankind', and if I can't pin down what's bugging me about this and fix it, I can see I might easily be tempted to jump to one of the other ideas instead.

Right. Decision. It's 2.15 a.m. so I'm going to go and sleep on it.

Parcelforce rant

Ths morning I received a letter from ParcelForce Worldwide, delivered via Royal Mail. They are holding a parcel for me whch they cannot deliver and I can either pay £5.50 for the privilege of them bringing it out to me or £1 for them to deliver to a local post office or - for free - I can collect it from their depot. There's a phone number and I can pay by credit card over the phone if I wish. Or there's a returns slip which I can fill in and send back by post with a cheque. There's also a store number to locate and ID the parcel, but there's no tracking number for the parcel.

OK, so far so good, BUT:

1) Our house is rarely unattended because both Best Beloved and I work from home and my mum is next door, close enough to hear our doorbell. So though it's not completely impossible, it is most unlikely if they have been trying to deliver to the correct house, that we were not available to take delivery.

2) The telephone number printed in their letter is incorrect so when you try to dial, the phone number is not recognised.

3) The letter should clearly have been printed on letterhead paper but it has been printed on plain paper, so there is no return address and no indication as to which ParcelForce depot it has been sent from.

4) There is no return address on the return slip that I'm suposed to send back with my cheque.

5) If I wish to collect it from the depot there's no indication of where in the world that is.

0/10 to ParcelForce, unless of course it was their intention to completely frustrate their customers and make themselves appear to be totally  incompetent in the process, in which case 12/10 and a gold star. I wonder how much Christmas bonus their CEO will be getting this year?

After much searching on the net and a long phone call (in an interminable 'holding' queue) with their national customer services, the girl at the other end and I eventually determine that a) the depot is in Leeds (so only a 90 minute round trip for me to collect whatever it is that I'm not expecting) and b) they have a standard printed letter which they send out to (I presume) lots of customers which has a zero missing from the phone number (08708 instead of 087008) and that c) someone in their organisation (if I can use the word) needs a rocket.

Armed with the correct telephone number I eventually get through to Leeds to a very nice man called Ian who sounds as though he knows what he's talking about. No he can't tell me who sent the package but it has come from the USA (so probably a musician sending CDs, then) and he offers to send out my parcel again for free. I should jolly well hope so.

But get this. The package is apparently addressed to me at number 9 (my mum's address, next door) yet the letter to ask what I wish to do about delivery has been sent to me at my correct address, number 10. Go figure!

Parcelforce rant

Ths morning I received a letter from ParcelForce Worldwide, delivered via Royal Mail. They are holding a parcel for me whch they cannot deliver and I can either pay £5.50 for the privilege of them bringing it out to me or £1 for them to deliver to a local post office or - for free - I can collect it from their depot. There's a phone number and I can pay by credit card over the phone if I wish. Or there's a returns slip which I can fill in and send back by post with a cheque. There's also a store number to locate and ID the parcel, but there's no tracking number for the parcel.

OK, so far so good, BUT:

1) Our house is rarely unattended because both Best Beloved and I work from home and my mum is next door, close enough to hear our doorbell. So though it's not completely impossible, it is most unlikely if they have been trying to deliver to the correct house, that we were not available to take delivery.

2) The telephone number printed in their letter is incorrect so when you try to dial, the phone number is not recognised.

3) The letter should clearly have been printed on letterhead paper but it has been printed on plain paper, so there is no return address and no indication as to which ParcelForce depot it has been sent from.

4) There is no return address on the return slip that I'm suposed to send back with my cheque.

5) If I wish to collect it from the depot there's no indication of where in the world that is.

0/10 to ParcelForce, unless of course it was their intention to completely frustrate their customers and make themselves appear to be totally  incompetent in the process, in which case 12/10 and a gold star. I wonder how much Christmas bonus their CEO will be getting this year?

After much searching on the net and a long phone call (in an interminable 'holding' queue) with their national customer services, the girl at the other end and I eventually determine that a) the depot is in Leeds (so only a 90 minute round trip for me to collect whatever it is that I'm not expecting) and b) they have a standard printed letter which they send out to (I presume) lots of customers which has a zero missing from the phone number (08708 instead of 087008) and that c) someone in their organisation (if I can use the word) needs a rocket.

Armed with the correct telephone number I eventually get through to Leeds to a very nice man called Ian who sounds as though he knows what he's talking about. No he can't tell me who sent the package but it has come from the USA (so probably a musician sending CDs, then) and he offers to send out my parcel again for free. I should jolly well hope so.

But get this. The package is apparently addressed to me at number 9 (my mum's address, next door) yet the letter to ask what I wish to do about delivery has been sent to me at my correct address, number 10. Go figure!